The Stone Kingdom – A semi true tale

July 1, 2018 7:04 pm Leave your thoughts

This touching tale was written by a dear gentlemen, whom I’ve had the privilege to know for several years now.  Whilst we might only have seen each other a few times a year over the course of many, he has been following my quest on Twitter.

His beautiful soul and highly proficient Emotional IQ surprised me one day with this fable.  Without knowing the full details of my personal life, this story eerily parallels what I have been through over the past couple years.    I made the mistake of reading this on the train home and was balling my eyes out with tears.  This touched my heart so deeply, and with his permission, I had to share.  Thank you Sir Bx

The Stone Kingdom

A little-known story about the little-known Game of Thrones eighth kingdom, officially known as the Granite Vale, commonly called Granitos.

Once upon a time in Westeros, there was a kingdom without a king, called Granitos. This kingdom was ruled by a queen whose name was Savannah. In ancient times Granitos was an extremely hard place to live (see what I did there?). This land was hard for many generations until the rule of Queen Savannah when all that changed. Living in a hard land breeds tough people and Savannah was no exception. Indeed, she was known to be extremely fit and strong with muscles upon her muscles! There were few men who could best her in contests of strength, though many tried.

It was also said that Queen Savannah possessed magical powers, particularly over men. Although she was raised by tolerant parents (many years later, in another land, they would have been called “hippies”) who had no problem with her powers, for some years Princess Savannah came under the influence of a serious, po-faced religious order. This order, known as the Puritanical Order of Righteous Celibacy (PORC) attempted to separate the minds of its adherents from the bodily centre of the type of magic the young Princess Savannah possessed.  They did their best to suppress this power, considering it to be evil and most undesirable. The young Princess Savannah, however, did have occasional subtle clues and hints as to the nature of her powers.

A young man, for example, might catch sight of her and lose his train of thought, struck witless by her beauty. A young woman, carrying her mistress’s laundry would stumble upon hearing Princess Savannah’s sweet voice. Old men simply died of heart failure when she came near. Somehow, invariably, these old men smiled even as their lifeless forms were carried off to the undertaker. When these hints touched her just beneath conscious awareness, the young Princess Savannah felt a kind of pleasant tingling in the area of the source of her magic. This state of affairs continued throughout most of her young life. But as she approached maturity, readying herself to take over the throne as queen, the stirrings of her magic became strong. These stirrings caused in her a deep and growing restlessness as she became aware of her true calling.

In some ways, Granitos was an enlightened place. Its kings and queens ruled together with equal standing. Soon after her coronation, the new Queen Savannah started searching for a suitable man to rule beside her as king. Sadly, she could not find any young man prepared to rule as her equal, accepting her for who she was. Perhaps it was the disturbing quality of the new magic stirring in her loins. Or, perhaps, it was due to her habit, during the interview process, of cracking walnuts by flexing her biceps against her forearm or between her thighs, as she looked the terrified interviewees directly in the eyes. Whatever the reason, undaunted, she continued the search. But as she matured her special magic grew within her. Finally, the day came when her magic was too strong and, “Fuck it!” she exclaimed, “If I don’t do something about this, I’ll explode! That will be embarrassing for me and leave my subjects with one hell of a mess to clean up!”

Queen Savannah called an audience with the Grand-Poo-Bah of PORC and told him in exceptionally clear language that she was no longer interested in his restrictive form of spiritual practice (“Tight assed bullshit” were her exact words, because, even though she lived in Westeros, Queen Savannah still spoke American). Whereupon, Queen Savannah knocked the high priest to the ground, squatted deeply, lifted him bodily over her head in a perfect clean and jerk and threw him clear out of her realm, never to be seen again.

Many men sought to woo her and become her king. Queen Savannah found most of them unsuitable to rule alongside her for one reason or another. Furthermore, the few who did meet her exacting standards always seemed to want to keep her magic for themselves. Although she did not understand it at the time, her special type of magic is too powerful to be contained in so small a relationship. Finally, becoming increasingly frustrated and uncomfortable with the pressure of her expanding magic,

“Fuck it!” she cried, “If I don’t do something about this, I’ll explode!”.

Queen Savannah then set about using her magic on as many men – and women – as she could. She found her magic expanding and developing in sophistication and variety even as the explosive pressure of it eased and she became comfortable in the practice of it. Furthermore, her subjects absolutely adored it when she used the magic on them. Not only her subjects, but people from other lands, near and far, came for her to practice the magic on them. She found that people were willing to make donations to the royal coffers in exchange for the use of her magic. This was a very fine state of affairs!

To this day, Queen Savannah continues to practice and expand her magic, even teaching it to others. And she still looks pretty damned hot practicing her lifts too! Granitos is now a much happier and gentler place to live. It is indeed the most peaceful of the kingdoms in Westeros. If you listen carefully from anywhere in Westeros or Essos, you can hear the moans and sighs of pleasure from the subjects of Queen Savannah.

There’s no real moral to this tale children, but if there was it would be this: whenever you are stuck and frustrated in life, with the pressure of your special creativity building up, call out very loudly the magic words, “Fuck it!”. Things will then work out for the better.

The End

Or is it?

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